Got a scary job interview, business negotiation or supplier meeting? Just be yourself. Rules to negotiating well can be found from all corners of the internet. Negotiation trainers teach women to be more like men. To show less emotion, to not speak in the ‘we’ but to emphasise the ‘I’, to be factual and know your numbers. We get challenged and intimidated on our requests and are told, “really, you want that?” Or worse, we get …. silence

We play small and look to collaborate rather than negotiate.

We get angry when it’s not going our way and then sabotage the opportunity because of our frustration. We take it personally and lay awake all night doing head miles worrying whether we said the right thing, mulling over what the other person said and trying to interpret what they REALLY meant.

When did asking for what you want get SO hard?

The first step to asking for what you want is knowing what you want! Ah, sounds so easy. Danielle LaPorte, a popular blogger who built a six-figure business as an author, speaker, and trainer, with no college degree talks about her dominatrix of decisions. Her Dominatrix ‘works’ for her – she wears a kimono, has smokey eyes and wears platforms and knows what she wants.

Negotiating can be intimidating, so we’ve designed 7 steps to help you feel freer to be yourself when negotiating;

  1. Know what it is you want
  2. Practice with a friend (or record yourself on your phone)
  3. Know it’s not win/lose but win/win
  4. Don’t rush the negotiation, take your time
  5. Ask the other what’s important to them
  6. Ask for what you want (and then stop talking!)
  7. Learn to sit with the uncomfortability of silence

Asking for what you want is a practice. Like any practice, it takes practice. Don’t worry if you don’t get it right in the first place and please don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s years of experience.